we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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