Where did you get a picture of my penis
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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