1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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