Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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