you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
