Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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