i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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