How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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