I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
