Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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