went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize