hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
