Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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