Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can't turn off my feet"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
