I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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