She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
