I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
