Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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