Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
