Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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