i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
