You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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