I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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