My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
