I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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