is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
