She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
