So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
