So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Let's get the cat blown out
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
