Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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