You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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