he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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