I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
