she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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