You're my little dorito
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
