I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
