I've blown a few things in my day
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize