Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
True college students do jello shots in the library
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
