How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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