i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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