wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
