Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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