dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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