It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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