I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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