Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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