im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
