I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
