We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Still dying that you shit outside
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
