Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
