Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
