I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
