oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize