Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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