I think I just saw someone hide a body.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
