I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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