You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize