I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
