he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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