your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
how does that bad decision feel?
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