All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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