you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
