New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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