Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
