New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
