just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think pants incapable of making pants work
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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