if i died would you start the facebook group?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
