just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
