That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize