No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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