Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
