This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize