My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
