I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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