he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
