Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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