if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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