Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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