I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
