worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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