you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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