You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
