who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
