my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
