I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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