I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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