She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
