You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
