I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
