I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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