he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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