after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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