I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
