meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
