I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
