Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She tied me up with her honor cords...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
