Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
