found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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