i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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