Will you blow on my dice?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
