Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
