You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
