im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
wow bdsm is so cute
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
