im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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