So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The uberlube is also flammable
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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