1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You pole danced in your parka.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
