Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
